There's just something about outdoor services, especially during the praise&worship part. There is something about being out and open in the world, that God created for us all. There is something that makes it amazing to worship God, hearing the trees blow in the wind, feeling the sun&the wind, feeling the grass, just being int he world that He created, and being able to thank him for it, being able to worship him in it. Is just amazing. So last night, When Brian was preaching, I think that parable he was telling us about had a whole other meaning, but in the beginning, when they were playing the song surrender.. the only thing that I could think of surrendering to God, is just myself and My relationship with Michael. Which doesn't mean, to me, to break up. It meant to me that I needed to rededicate myself to God, and our relationship as well.
So last night after he dropped me off, I was talking to him about that.. and we decided that we want to do it, we want to dedicate our relationship to God, and God alone.
So I prayed for us after he dropped me off, and basically I prayed that we made every decision with God in mind, that we make our relationship a Holy one. And allow us to grow closer to each other, and closer to God at the same time. I also asked for forgivness for everything that has happened, so needless to say, I am going to be trying very hard to not fall into this again.
I know that it is going to be hard, and I know this is like the millionth time that I have said that I was going to try. But this time I honestly feel different, this time I know it will NOT happen.
WE will NOT mess this relationship up. I want it to be Godly, and I want it to be pure, I want to be right with God, in my life and in my relationship.
And, yes this also means making a harder effort to stop tieing my shoes.
Its going to be a hard and long road, but I know that God can empower me to do it.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Saturday, April 17, 2010
So, how do you feel about abortion?
Yes, this is the question that I was asked by my cousin, Brady.
And I knew, that it was going to be an interesting conversation.
Come to find out a year ago, he got his girlfriend pregnant, and they decided to abort. Now, I told him that I didn't agree with this at all, and that i thought it was something that they were going to regret, and he told me that he has been regretting it for a long time, and how every morning he wakes up thinking about it, and crys every day about it :\. And that just made me so sad to hear, so I told him that I will pray for him, and I have.
This boy just has so much going on in his like. :\ and it breaks my heart.
Pray with me?
And I knew, that it was going to be an interesting conversation.
Come to find out a year ago, he got his girlfriend pregnant, and they decided to abort. Now, I told him that I didn't agree with this at all, and that i thought it was something that they were going to regret, and he told me that he has been regretting it for a long time, and how every morning he wakes up thinking about it, and crys every day about it :\. And that just made me so sad to hear, so I told him that I will pray for him, and I have.
This boy just has so much going on in his like. :\ and it breaks my heart.
Pray with me?
new idear:)
i LOVE this:) I have been wanting a white board for the longest time, and this little idea, made me want one even more. I will have to re-arrange the things around in my room, beacuse my walls are already SO covered. That I will need to make room.
So if you want to look, just have a looksy here at what I am dying to do:) I cannot wait!
So if you want to look, just have a looksy here at what I am dying to do:) I cannot wait!
long time no blog.
So it feels like it has been years and years that i have blogged. But I have missed it so, and I have realized that I would love to get back into it. So, alot has happened and I am not sure that I can fit it all in here, but I will surly try my hardest.
Within the last two weeks, I have had a wakeup call, Ashley had told me that I needed to not only continue working on my physical boundries with Michael but my emotional ones as well, which I am sure as you can imagine. Is not an easy feat, not one for me and not one for Michael.
This meant stopping the I love yous, stopping the talk about marriage, stopping talking so much, and hanging out so much.
Honestly, when I had things talk with him, I thought that he was going to get mad.. but shockingly he didn't.
And with a little hinting from me, about wanting to start new, he asked me out again. Promising me that this time we will try our hardest to get our boundaries in check.
Now, here I am not going to lie. I will tell you that we have said the I love you, a couple of times within the passed week, and it is a hard thing to stop. I am sure that you can imagine why, we said it at almost every hello, every goodbye, and even sometimes every between. It was a way of habbit, and it was leaving us NO room to grow more emotionally (Which makes us explore other things if you know what I am getting at), it was loosing meaning. So as you can imagine it is hard to suppress those feelings, and hard to hold them back. However, we have done very good at it if you ask me, and the times that we have slipped up, have not been times of trying to break our boundries, but just falling into the habbit of it. And I don't know if that makes it better or worse, but either way that is where we are and that is where we will be. In turn with keeping our emotional boundaries in check, since we have been nicer to each other, beacuse we don't get to take back everything we say with the i love you, we have not had a bad fight since we have started working on this. Which is a big thing for him and I.
Aside from the emotional boundaries, me and Michael have been doing great at keeping our physical boundaries, not a desire or anything. Which I am happy about.
Jessica, oh Jessica Jessica. I am in a completely different place with this girl then I was since my last time of blogging. Jessica is the girl that I was supposed to be co-leading small group with. But before I knew it, she always had an excuse not to come, and I was left being the one and only leader. Which is hard, but I did like it. She was making me so angry with the things that she was doing because, she was hurting the girls. It wasn't that she made the commitment to me that said that she would be helping, it was that she made the commitment to the girls, and there she was up and leaving them, like I am sure many other people have done in their lives. And then Jessica would complain about the girls not treating her with respect, and not listening to her. When I wanted to look at her in the face and tell her that the girls were not respecting her, because she didn't respect them. But now, since our youth group has had our meeting, and we have all shared our feelings about numerous subjects, Jessica is now helping me to lead the small group. And, I have found something in her that I never thought that I would find. She has been a friend, a companion, she has inspired me at times when I wanted to give up, she has just been there through a lot. Don't worry friend no one will ever take your place :). But, she has supported me, and told me that I am not like Bev, which is nice because sometimes in her effort to convince everyone else that we are the same person, she has seemed to convinced me as well, which is such a battle for me, because I would never want to put anyone through the hurt that she has put me through. But, I got off subject. Anyways, I am glad that my girls now have another leader, and that someone is there to help them through the things that they are going through. And she came up with a good idea, that we would get journals for the girls, and have them write to us with stuff that they needed help with, and we wold write back. And I have done that this week. &I think me and her getting closer, is going to bring my small group together, and eventually it is going to become our small group again. And I am very excited for that.
So now with Bev, ahh she surprised us all hasn't she. Uh, that girl. I wish I could just change her mind for her, save her from all of this. My hear hurst for her soooo much. :\ I want my old Bev back, I want her to be happy, and I mean not the fake happy that she is now. I want her to be really truly happy, well I am off now.:) chowwww!♥
Within the last two weeks, I have had a wakeup call, Ashley had told me that I needed to not only continue working on my physical boundries with Michael but my emotional ones as well, which I am sure as you can imagine. Is not an easy feat, not one for me and not one for Michael.
This meant stopping the I love yous, stopping the talk about marriage, stopping talking so much, and hanging out so much.
Honestly, when I had things talk with him, I thought that he was going to get mad.. but shockingly he didn't.
And with a little hinting from me, about wanting to start new, he asked me out again. Promising me that this time we will try our hardest to get our boundaries in check.
Now, here I am not going to lie. I will tell you that we have said the I love you, a couple of times within the passed week, and it is a hard thing to stop. I am sure that you can imagine why, we said it at almost every hello, every goodbye, and even sometimes every between. It was a way of habbit, and it was leaving us NO room to grow more emotionally (Which makes us explore other things if you know what I am getting at), it was loosing meaning. So as you can imagine it is hard to suppress those feelings, and hard to hold them back. However, we have done very good at it if you ask me, and the times that we have slipped up, have not been times of trying to break our boundries, but just falling into the habbit of it. And I don't know if that makes it better or worse, but either way that is where we are and that is where we will be. In turn with keeping our emotional boundaries in check, since we have been nicer to each other, beacuse we don't get to take back everything we say with the i love you, we have not had a bad fight since we have started working on this. Which is a big thing for him and I.
Aside from the emotional boundaries, me and Michael have been doing great at keeping our physical boundaries, not a desire or anything. Which I am happy about.
Jessica, oh Jessica Jessica. I am in a completely different place with this girl then I was since my last time of blogging. Jessica is the girl that I was supposed to be co-leading small group with. But before I knew it, she always had an excuse not to come, and I was left being the one and only leader. Which is hard, but I did like it. She was making me so angry with the things that she was doing because, she was hurting the girls. It wasn't that she made the commitment to me that said that she would be helping, it was that she made the commitment to the girls, and there she was up and leaving them, like I am sure many other people have done in their lives. And then Jessica would complain about the girls not treating her with respect, and not listening to her. When I wanted to look at her in the face and tell her that the girls were not respecting her, because she didn't respect them. But now, since our youth group has had our meeting, and we have all shared our feelings about numerous subjects, Jessica is now helping me to lead the small group. And, I have found something in her that I never thought that I would find. She has been a friend, a companion, she has inspired me at times when I wanted to give up, she has just been there through a lot. Don't worry friend no one will ever take your place :). But, she has supported me, and told me that I am not like Bev, which is nice because sometimes in her effort to convince everyone else that we are the same person, she has seemed to convinced me as well, which is such a battle for me, because I would never want to put anyone through the hurt that she has put me through. But, I got off subject. Anyways, I am glad that my girls now have another leader, and that someone is there to help them through the things that they are going through. And she came up with a good idea, that we would get journals for the girls, and have them write to us with stuff that they needed help with, and we wold write back. And I have done that this week. &I think me and her getting closer, is going to bring my small group together, and eventually it is going to become our small group again. And I am very excited for that.
So now with Bev, ahh she surprised us all hasn't she. Uh, that girl. I wish I could just change her mind for her, save her from all of this. My hear hurst for her soooo much. :\ I want my old Bev back, I want her to be happy, and I mean not the fake happy that she is now. I want her to be really truly happy, well I am off now.:) chowwww!♥
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
biblee talk
Exodus 26
this was all about the perfect way to build a tabernacle. This stuff is kind of boring me right now.. it seriously is just instructions about building this thing to worship God in.. and yeah I get that its important and all.. but I wanna learn a lesson here! :) lol.
Try making me say that again ;)
Anyways, I am anxious to see if the people really follow Gods instructions, like to the nail.. or if they will make short cuts and what not.. Maybe that's why God is doing this to.
I just feel like my only lesson here is listen to God.. which we all need that reminder.. huh?
Harper-- just to let you know.. after that last sentence was posted I changed my mind.. I was going to go and read if Bevs email had anything crazy about me.. but I am now going to turn off my computer.. so I don't have to worry about that anymore.. for tonight at least!
this was all about the perfect way to build a tabernacle. This stuff is kind of boring me right now.. it seriously is just instructions about building this thing to worship God in.. and yeah I get that its important and all.. but I wanna learn a lesson here! :) lol.
Try making me say that again ;)
Anyways, I am anxious to see if the people really follow Gods instructions, like to the nail.. or if they will make short cuts and what not.. Maybe that's why God is doing this to.
I just feel like my only lesson here is listen to God.. which we all need that reminder.. huh?
Harper-- just to let you know.. after that last sentence was posted I changed my mind.. I was going to go and read if Bevs email had anything crazy about me.. but I am now going to turn off my computer.. so I don't have to worry about that anymore.. for tonight at least!
30 days to live.
Getting pretty close day 27. CRAZY
3 more days?
Romans 12:1-2
"And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God beacuse of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice--the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know Gods's will for you which is good and pleasing and perfect."
To me, this means.. that I need to do everything that I can to let God live through me.. which sometimes is so hard. &if you know the day that I had.. there were certainly some times that I did not let God live through me, I made my descisions in the ways that would make me the happiest.. but then at the same time, I did live some things through his way. I need to get better and not choosing where I want to let God live through me, and do it all the time. I want to know Gods will for me, I know that it will be perfect, he could have only created something this perfect. So, I am going to strive.. and really do it.
3 more days?
Romans 12:1-2
"And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God beacuse of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice--the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know Gods's will for you which is good and pleasing and perfect."
To me, this means.. that I need to do everything that I can to let God live through me.. which sometimes is so hard. &if you know the day that I had.. there were certainly some times that I did not let God live through me, I made my descisions in the ways that would make me the happiest.. but then at the same time, I did live some things through his way. I need to get better and not choosing where I want to let God live through me, and do it all the time. I want to know Gods will for me, I know that it will be perfect, he could have only created something this perfect. So, I am going to strive.. and really do it.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Bible talkkk
Exodus 23
This was more and mroe about the rules that God was giving for the covenant I will give a few that I think are important (Of course all of them are but there are some certain ones that really jumped.
1 "You must not pass along false rumors.." There it is for you gossipers, rumors.. especially false ones are horrible, and they can ruin someones life, if you let them get out of hand to far, so just don't let them happen at all.
8 "Take no bribes, for a bribe makes you ignore something that you clearly see. A bribe makes even a righteous person twist the truth" I just thought that this one was really worded good. Especially the part where it says "for a bribe makes you ignore something that you clearly see."
Then the Lord talks also about some festivals that the people should practice, and he instructs the people that he is sending an angel and that all of the people must listen to the angel, beacuse it is a representative of God. Also, God in the end of the chapter, tells all of the people what he is going to reward them with if they pay attention and listen to the covenant. The major reward was land, which was a BIG deal then.
This was more and mroe about the rules that God was giving for the covenant I will give a few that I think are important (Of course all of them are but there are some certain ones that really jumped.
1 "You must not pass along false rumors.." There it is for you gossipers, rumors.. especially false ones are horrible, and they can ruin someones life, if you let them get out of hand to far, so just don't let them happen at all.
8 "Take no bribes, for a bribe makes you ignore something that you clearly see. A bribe makes even a righteous person twist the truth" I just thought that this one was really worded good. Especially the part where it says "for a bribe makes you ignore something that you clearly see."
Then the Lord talks also about some festivals that the people should practice, and he instructs the people that he is sending an angel and that all of the people must listen to the angel, beacuse it is a representative of God. Also, God in the end of the chapter, tells all of the people what he is going to reward them with if they pay attention and listen to the covenant. The major reward was land, which was a BIG deal then.
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