outdoor services:)

There's just something about outdoor services, especially during the praise&worship part. There is something about being out and open in the world, that God created for us all. There is something that makes it amazing to worship God, hearing the trees blow in the wind, feeling the sun&the wind, feeling the grass, just being int he world that He created, and being able to thank him for it, being able to worship him in it. Is just amazing. So last night, When Brian was preaching, I think that parable he was telling us about had a whole other meaning, but in the beginning, when they were playing the song surrender.. the only thing that I could think of surrendering to God, is just myself and My relationship with Michael. Which doesn't mean, to me, to break up. It meant to me that I needed to rededicate myself to God, and our relationship as well.
So last night after he dropped me off, I was talking to him about that.. and we decided that we want to do it, we want to dedicate our relationship to God, and God alone.
So I prayed for us after he dropped me off, and basically I prayed that we made every decision with God in mind, that we make our relationship a Holy one. And allow us to grow closer to each other, and closer to God at the same time. I also asked for forgivness for everything that has happened, so needless to say, I am going to be trying very hard to not fall into this again.
I know that it is going to be hard, and I know this is like the millionth time that I have said that I was going to try. But this time I honestly feel different, this time I know it will NOT happen.
WE will NOT mess this relationship up. I want it to be Godly, and I want it to be pure, I want to be right with God, in my life and in my relationship.
And, yes this also means making a harder effort to stop tieing my shoes.
Its going to be a hard and long road, but I know that God can empower me to do it.

So, how do you feel about abortion?

Yes, this is the question that I was asked by my cousin, Brady.
And I knew, that it was going to be an interesting conversation.
Come to find out a year ago, he got his girlfriend pregnant, and they decided to abort. Now, I told him that I didn't agree with this at all, and that i thought it was something that they were going to regret, and he told me that he has been regretting it for a long time, and how every morning he wakes up thinking about it, and crys every day about it :\. And that just made me so sad to hear, so I told him that I will pray for him, and I have.
This boy just has so much going on in his like. :\ and it breaks my heart.
Pray with me?

new idear:)

i LOVE this:) I have been wanting a white board for the longest time, and this little idea, made me want one even more. I will have to re-arrange the things around in my room, beacuse my walls are already SO covered. That I will need to make room.
So if you want to look, just have a looksy here at what I am dying to do:) I cannot wait!

long time no blog.

So it feels like it has been years and years that i have blogged. But I have missed it so, and I have realized that I would love to get back into it. So, alot has happened and I am not sure that I can fit it all in here, but I will surly try my hardest.
Within the last two weeks, I have had a wakeup call, Ashley had told me that I needed to not only continue working on my physical boundries with Michael but my emotional ones as well, which I am sure as you can imagine. Is not an easy feat, not one for me and not one for Michael.
This meant stopping the I love yous, stopping the talk about marriage, stopping talking so much, and hanging out so much.
Honestly, when I had things talk with him, I thought that he was going to get mad.. but shockingly he didn't.
And with a little hinting from me, about wanting to start new, he asked me out again. Promising me that this time we will try our hardest to get our boundaries in check.
Now, here I am not going to lie. I will tell you that we have said the I love you, a couple of times within the passed week, and it is a hard thing to stop. I am sure that you can imagine why, we said it at almost every hello, every goodbye, and even sometimes every between. It was a way of habbit, and it was leaving us NO room to grow more emotionally (Which makes us explore other things if you know what I am getting at), it was loosing meaning. So as you can imagine it is hard to suppress those feelings, and hard to hold them back. However, we have done very good at it if you ask me, and the times that we have slipped up, have not been times of trying to break our boundries, but just falling into the habbit of it. And I don't know if that makes it better or worse, but either way that is where we are and that is where we will be. In turn with keeping our emotional boundaries in check, since we have been nicer to each other, beacuse we don't get to take back everything we say with the i love you, we have not had a bad fight since we have started working on this. Which is a big thing for him and I.
Aside from the emotional boundaries, me and Michael have been doing great at keeping our physical boundaries, not a desire or anything. Which I am happy about.

Jessica, oh Jessica Jessica. I am in a completely different place with this girl then I was since my last time of blogging. Jessica is the girl that I was supposed to be co-leading small group with. But before I knew it, she always had an excuse not to come, and I was left being the one and only leader. Which is hard, but I did like it. She was making me so angry with the things that she was doing because, she was hurting the girls. It wasn't that she made the commitment to me that said that she would be helping, it was that she made the commitment to the girls, and there she was up and leaving them, like I am sure many other people have done in their lives. And then Jessica would complain about the girls not treating her with respect, and not listening to her. When I wanted to look at her in the face and tell her that the girls were not respecting her, because she didn't respect them. But now, since our youth group has had our meeting, and we have all shared our feelings about numerous subjects, Jessica is now helping me to lead the small group. And, I have found something in her that I never thought that I would find. She has been a friend, a companion, she has inspired me at times when I wanted to give up, she has just been there through a lot. Don't worry friend no one will ever take your place :). But, she has supported me, and told me that I am not like Bev, which is nice because sometimes in her effort to convince everyone else that we are the same person, she has seemed to convinced me as well, which is such a battle for me, because I would never want to put anyone through the hurt that she has put me through. But, I got off subject. Anyways, I am glad that my girls now have another leader, and that someone is there to help them through the things that they are going through. And she came up with a good idea, that we would get journals for the girls, and have them write to us with stuff that they needed help with, and we wold write back. And I have done that this week. &I think me and her getting closer, is going to bring my small group together, and eventually it is going to become our small group again. And I am very excited for that.

So now with Bev, ahh she surprised us all hasn't she. Uh, that girl. I wish I could just change her mind for her, save her from all of this. My hear hurst for her soooo much. :\ I want my old Bev back, I want her to be happy, and I mean not the fake happy that she is now. I want her to be really truly happy, well I am off now.:) chowwww!♥

biblee talk

Exodus 26
this was all about the perfect way to build a tabernacle. This stuff is kind of boring me right now.. it seriously is just instructions about building this thing to worship God in.. and yeah I get that its important and all.. but I wanna learn a lesson here! :) lol.
Try making me say that again ;)
Anyways, I am anxious to see if the people really follow Gods instructions, like to the nail.. or if they will make short cuts and what not.. Maybe that's why God is doing this to.
I just feel like my only lesson here is listen to God.. which we all need that reminder.. huh?

Harper-- just to let you know.. after that last sentence was posted I changed my mind.. I was going to go and read if Bevs email had anything crazy about me.. but I am now going to turn off my computer.. so I don't have to worry about that anymore.. for tonight at least!

30 days to live.

Getting pretty close day 27. CRAZY
3 more days?
Romans 12:1-2
"And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God beacuse of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice--the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know Gods's will for you which is good and pleasing and perfect."
To me, this means.. that I need to do everything that I can to let God live through me.. which sometimes is so hard. &if you know the day that I had.. there were certainly some times that I did not let God live through me, I made my descisions in the ways that would make me the happiest.. but then at the same time, I did live some things through his way. I need to get better and not choosing where I want to let God live through me, and do it all the time. I want to know Gods will for me, I know that it will be perfect, he could have only created something this perfect. So, I am going to strive.. and really do it.

Bible talkkk

Exodus 23
This was more and mroe about the rules that God was giving for the covenant I will give a few that I think are important (Of course all of them are but there are some certain ones that really jumped.
1 "You must not pass along false rumors.." There it is for you gossipers, rumors.. especially false ones are horrible, and they can ruin someones life, if you let them get out of hand to far, so just don't let them happen at all.
8 "Take no bribes, for a bribe makes you ignore something that you clearly see. A bribe makes even a righteous person twist the truth" I just thought that this one was really worded good. Especially the part where it says "for a bribe makes you ignore something that you clearly see."

Then the Lord talks also about some festivals that the people should practice, and he instructs the people that he is sending an angel and that all of the people must listen to the angel, beacuse it is a representative of God. Also, God in the end of the chapter, tells all of the people what he is going to reward them with if they pay attention and listen to the covenant. The major reward was land, which was a BIG deal then.

30 days to live, on day 25.

5 more days! &there is still so much more to do.! This is crazy, needless to say I will need to continue on this journey, and re-read the bible verses over and over again, because I am not ready to die in 5 days.
Matthew 7:26
"But anyone who hears my teaching and doesn't obey it is foolis, like a person who builds a house upon sand"

-Here God is saying, you know my words, you know the truth.. if you don't obey it you are foolish, so foolish. You need to realize that what you are doing is wrong. Turn your life around. Set your feet on a solid rock, and don't be the one that builds your house in the sand.. this makes me think of Bev. I think mainly just beacuse she is on my mind.. I will be doing lots of praying for her tonight.

30 days to livee.

All of these I have been doing for the post for tomorrow, just to let you know.. so this is like tomorrows bible verse that we were supposed to read for the 30 days to live thing.. and ect.

Psalms 145:4
"Let each generation tell tits children of your might acts; let them proclaim your power."
-The literal part of this doesn't apply to me just yet, when I have kids though I will be sure to tell them all about God and all the good things that he did in my life. However, instead of just looking at it like that.. I can look at it as tell EVERYONE all the good things that God has done in your life..
&thats what I need to work on.. telling a bunch of people my testimonies, there has been a few times (twice that I can think of :Puerto Rico, and life hurts God heals) that I have shared my testimonies, and I hope that it changed poeples lives.. but I know there is still more that I can do, still more that I can say. And that is what I need to work on.

Bible TALK

Dunno why I put the caps, but I did.. eh anyways.
Exodus 22
This whole chapter, is rules for the people in the new area to follow. Similar to the rules that we must follow today as a society, however, there is one difference. One BIG difference. They all are assigned and ordained by God himself. &I'm sure I could bet on the fact that they lived in a better time back then, because of that factor and that factor only. Sure, I mean people still broke the rules, but when the time came the Lord knew, and nothing was hidden from the Lord since he is all-knowing, so if you are guilty of a crime, and you plead innocent, then the Lord will know anyways and you will still face your punishment whatever that may be.
Here are some of the ones that stuck out to me the most.
20: "Anyone who sacrifices to any god other than the Lord must be destroyed" That's powerful, really very powerful.. I wonder what made God stop doing this? The world would be such a better place if he still did this. Technically I know why he stopped, but I don't know why he got the point that he felt like he had to.
21: "You must not mistreat or oppress foreigners in any way. Remember, you yourselves were once foreigners in the land of Egypt"
This is pretty strong considering that even some times I can make some racist jokes, I am not serious about them.. but I am still oppressing them (make a note to stop doing that!, pray to God for help.)
&29: You must not hold anything back when you give me offerings from your crops and your wine"
This is a strong one as well, and the first instinct I got from it was not giving God your full ten percent when you are doing tithing, and although that is true, my mind then went a step further. The talents that God has given to you, have also been called at one point or another an offering to the Lord when you are praising him. So don't hold back on those things.. whatever it is that God gave you greeting people, acting, singing, playing the piano :p, teaching.. whatever it is use it to its full potential, let God use it too, and don't hold back.. because then you are holding back from God.
This helps me with my play for tomorrow! Which, by the way is a super strong message, and I would love to be prayed for in the matter!

30 days :)

Tonight I did my 30 days bit and reading the bible while eating doritos, just some fun info I thought to add :)
Ephesians 5:15-17
"So be careful how you live. Don't live like fools, but like those who are wise. Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days. Don't act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do."
-- To me this is pretty powerful as well, but they all have been so far.. so yeah.
This is saying to me, Don't live like worldly people do, because you knwo the difference, live your life the way that God wants you to live it, and then when people ask you why, tell them. Prove, and show to people how God wants them to live especially when you call yourself a christian.
Like this story just makes me livid.
Michael's sister, the one that lives with him(we havn't come up with a name)took a picture with one of her friends, the one that starts with a K and only comes to church every once in a while. In our church bathroom with them flipping up their middle fingers, and her friend decided to post it on facebook. All the time Michaels sister says how great she is doing with God, granted this was like a month ago and people do change! But if she was going around saying that then (whcih I am pretty sure she was) then her telling her friend that, and then flipping up the middle finger, is basically her saying to her friend "it's okay to do this while you are a Christian." Now, listen to the poor message that is giving her.

Not to point fingers though, beacuse I know a lot of Christians fall in the devils trap like this.. sometimes I do.. but for the most part I haven't done anything like that in while.

This whole thing reminds me of what I pray everymorning before I even get out of bed
"God please help me to be a light that shines people onto your path, help me to give people your seeds, and to be an example of you all day."
It's a great prayer really, and sometimes it helps.. I will go into that in tomorrows bloggy post.. I am tired.

Dandelions

I just wanted to share this with you, I think that it is so beautiful. I have been blog surfing around lately, and I have happened to come across this amazing blog that posts pictures like this all the time, and I love it. They are all so pretty. This one.. is just beautiful.. I am sure you can recall how in love I am with Dandelions :) they are just so pretty, and they never give up.. they never stop giving.. its just an amazing message all from a flower. Some people can't even give off this beautiful as a message. But this flower can... its so beautiful.. just a beautiful concept.

30 days to live

This is my favorite verse yet. :)
Mark 10:27
"Jesus looked at them intently and said ' Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But not with God. Everything is possible with God."
ohmygoshhhh. I loved this.

HAVE FAITH IN GOD PEOPLE! It's right here our answer to everything.. written in plain text.. anything is possible with God and I mean anything. To Callie being in my family, to my Dad getting my job back, to me getting free of Daemon, to me being able to pay for college all by myself. God always pulls through and it always happen, so have some faith in him and let him do it. All things are possible through Christ out Lord.

Texted to Bev.

So as promised, I will post on here what I text-ed her.
As guessed, she said nothing back.
Which, I didn't expect her to but it is still a STAB in the back :\
A really hurtful stab.
Hopefully I can still find the message!
"I'm telling the people that mean the most to me, how much they mean to me.
I love you, enough to wait for the right time for me and you to be friends. Take this how you want to."

&nothing.. which again I expected.. but it still hurts.

Telling Important people how much they mean to you.

Okay, so I am sure that you know that this was really hard for me.
I sent Bev a text message, and as expected she has said nothing back to me yet..
:\ ehhh I tried..
This is what I sent to you, I sent it to Craig for approval because I didn't know if you were up or not.. which I don't think that you were because it was like around 1:00 ish.. lol. But there was a bunch more added, but then he was like I think that you should stop beating around the bush, and that you should just get to the point, and not worry about why she is taking this you are doing this to be kind, and you are doing this to help you.. so that's what I did.

&this is what I said:
I am telling the people who mean the most to me, that they do.
Even though we're barely friends anymore.. i love you.. so much that I am willing to wait until the right time is for us to be friends. Take this like you want to.. I just needed to let you know that.
And that's that.. that's what I sent to her.. last night which I know she was awake.. and she hasn't said anything back.. but I was kind of expecting her to do that.

bibletalkk

Exodus 21
So, first of all I wasn't really all into this chapter.. because God was giving commandments, on how to treat slaves. SHOULDN'T SLAVES NOT BE ALLOWED? I don't know that makes me angry. &I'm really confused.. it never really shows that God is the one talking.. but then again he was talking in the last one.. so who knows. I am just really confused.. because I am sure my God wouldn't allow that he wants us all to love each other.. not have slaves.
Then it talks about "cases of personal injury" and it goes through the whole chat about how if someone kills someone else then they should be killed, and yeah all of that stuff (which justifies death row.. for that purpose only) but, then it gets really serious. Verse 17 says "anyone who dishonors* their mother and father must be put to death. (* anyone who speaks disrespectfully of)." WOAH, I'm sure if everyone read this verse they would think twice about talking about their Mom&Dad. This is just insane to me. I am going to like right after this ask for forgiveness and all, and I think I am going to say something to Michael too about it, because he talks about his parents a lot and all. &I think that most of the time I may be the one that prompts it.. so I will also ask God to help me stop doing that! Also, I found the verse that talks about an eye for an eye which is verse 24-25: "an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a hand for a hand, a foot for a foot, a burn for a burn, a wound for a wound, a bruise for a bruise" I think this is all true.. unless you ask for forgiveness.

30 DAYS TO LIVE!

Day 21 :)
1st Chronicles 26:17
I know, my God that you will examine our hearts and rejoice when you find integrity there. You know I have done all this with good motives, and I have watched your people offer their gifts willingly and joyously.

-I mean to me.. this message really isn't that hard.
Integrity (in-teg-ri-ty)adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty.
This verse is saying that when God examines our heart, and when he looks down on us he will be happy to find integrety in our hearts, having good morals.. good ones that align with what he is looking for that we are honest, and that we truly have committed our lives to him. That is one of the best things that you can do to make God happy in my mind. God wants to see that everything we do, it is for good motives, not because we are being selfish, and we just wanna be happy.. but because we believe that is what is best. To me though, this brings up a question, and I asked God about it.. I will let you know my answer too.
Question: Well, then what if I do something that I think is right, and I am thinking of doing it with the right intentions but it turns out wrong.. which lots of times things do.
Answer: (I think).. the end product doesn't matter as long as you do it with a heart that focuses on me, and not one that focuses on other people. As long as you are pure in your heart, and you do it with good intentions. You can't control how people take things, you can only control how you deliver them.

so I'm just noww trying out this amazing blogspot mobile.. holler holler because its pretty cool. :)

Bible Talk

So, I have finally found the passage in which God tells us the ten commandments.. I am so happy because I have been looking for them, honestly and as humiliating it is for me to say this.. I am not sure that I even know all of the ten commandments, but after tonight I will. :)
Exodus 20
So, just to warn you, I am giving you my impression of the 10 commandments, and what I think that they mean.. if they are wrong.. or you think that they mean something else PLEASE LET ME KNOW!
1. You should place no other god above our God in heaven.
2. You should not idolize anything but the Lord our God, for he will get jealous.
3. Don't use the Lords name in vain (no cussing etc.)
4. Keep Sunday a holy day, a day of rest.
5. Honor your Mother and your Father
6. No Murder
7. No adultery
8. No stealing
9. Do not testify (go against, or help go against) your neighbor
10. You must not covet your neighbor.

Then at the end of the chapter the people were instructed to build an alter for the Lord, with many guidelines.

30 days to live.

Day 20 (sorry I have skipped so much, I have been reading all of them.. just not blogging about them.
February 18th 2010 (Thursday)
Proverbs 3:6
"Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take."

- So.. this one is pretty easy. This is basically telling me that whenever I want to do something, I need to reach out to God, to seek his will in whatever it is that I am doing. &through that God will show me what is right and what is wrong, he will show me where to take my life, and what things I should do and I shouldn't do.. This makes me think of the spending the night incident, and I know that Harper knows what I mean when I say that.. so yeah.

Tomorrow, pray that I seek God in everything that I do.

Have I said yet that I am going to just repeat this when I get to the end of this 3o days, so that I can work on it, until I do all of these things.. which will probably be never. hah.

New Boundaries

So, first of all.. I miss you blooging Ms. Harper!
Second of all, I told you that I would blog about mine and Michael's new boundaries.. so that you could have them in a place where you would be able to go and refer back to them time and time again..
this may be subject to change.. because I havn't seen his list yet.. and well.. they have to kind of have the same things on them.. once we meet with Ashley and Brian (they will help us pick the ones that are best for both of us..) so yeah.. but for now this is what I have.
:)
1.No Kissing on the lips
2.Only kissing on the cheek hello and ghoodby (two times)
3.No being in a room alone
4.Sit a seat apart in the car
5.No spending the night
6.No kissing on the neck/ears
7.NEVER in a bedroom alone, or laying on a bed together
8.No touching bare skins on back/belly
9.No touching in the strike zone (do you remember when Brian talked about this.. if not let me know and I will leave another comment telling you what it is.
10.No "physical sexual touching" none
11No "bad" dancing
12.No being in a house alone
13.When driving alone-No touching except when hand holding
14.No discussing marriage until LATER
15.No comparing our relationships to other couples, we are not them, we are us.
16.Tell our accountability partners (that's you!) before we hang out that we are&then be open&honest about what happens afterward
17.No sharing a blanket
18.No going out to see movies alone? ( I am not sure about this one yet.. because there will be other people there.. bnut it is dark.. so i don't know I will have to ask Ashley and Brian on this one.
So, that's them for now.. let me know what you think.. when you EVER get on again! loll..

truly amazing.

I am proud to say that I am sure that I follow some of the most amazing blogs on the planet. I am going to share a bit of this womans story. She has lost one child, and had to give a birth to her still born (she has a son previous to this but this was her chance to have a baby girl)&now she is pregnant again with a baby girl :) who is still doing great to this day, thanks to I am sure the many prayers that have been sent her way.
Anways to the point of this post. This was a quote from something that she posted in her blog today

"If nothing else, those thoughts of "the longer we have her with us, the more we have to lose" have been replaced with "she doesn't belong to us but to her Father in heaven. Every day he gives us with her and with her brother and with each other is a gift." Turns out we have nothing to lose, since all we have is a gift from God and we give it back to him in humble thanks."

What a powerful statement.. she belongs to God.. we are just borrowing her, God is blessing us with her. What an amazing outlook on the people that you love and are afraid to loose, like my father.. everyday is a blessing.. everyday is a chance to speak up and say something to him.. about why I get so angry when he cusses. And why he makes me so mad when he flips people off, same for my brother.. and my just.. my family. Click on this link to read her blog :) it is truly amazing, and sometimes life changing.

Bible talkkk.

Exodus 17
- This Chapter was almost the same as the last one. Again the people of Isreal moved, and again they were deprived of water. So they complained to Moses, and again Moses said "Why are you complaing to me" So Moses spoke to God, and God told him that he needed to go to a rock, and strike the rock with his staff, and then water would come out. Moses did just that and water came out. He then questioned the people of why they were doubting the Lord by saying "is he here with us or not" --How many times have you asked this question.. I know that I have asked it a lot before.. I asked it when my Aunt was in jail for all the times that she stole and got high, and I asked when Ariels father died, and when all of the other deaths happened in '09. I asked it when I was still with Daemon, and then right after we broke up I asked it as well.. I ask it still to this day, when I am thinking about my family, each and every member that doesn't believe.. and all of my friends that don't believe.. is God really truly here for me? Is he here for them? And time and time again, God proved that he was there, God has always found a way to make water come out of my rocks in life, so why do I still doubt him. I think that it is the works of the Devil.. the Devil (I think) puts little scenerious in your head.. to make you doubt the Lord.. do you listen to the lies.. or can you still hear the truth?--Then Aaron was asked by the Lord to gather a number of people to fight against the Amalek, the Isrealites wont thanks to Noah, so the Lord told Noah to build an Alter and read this off to the Isrealites, I will banish the memories of Amalek and no more wars will come from it. The people were not happy at this and so they raised their fists in protest towards the Lords alter.. so the Lord said.. you will be at war for them now forever.. since you protested against me banishing it.--Now this really spoke to me.. Have you ever had the sin.. that you wanna go away.. and then when you ask for forgivness, you start thinking about how horrible of a person you were even when God the father has already forgiven you.. if God has forgiven you.. than why should you still be beating yourself up after it.. that only (in my eyes) makes it come back. Because when you are beating yourself up about it.. would be the perfect time for you to set rules, or boundries, or guidlines, so that it dosen't happen again. Instead you beat yourself up over your sins time and time again.. and from that nothing good comes I know, because this has happened to me. Also, another thing to think about.. how many times have you been angry with God,I know I have when I lost so many people that we so close to me.. but I didn't come to terms with it until I forgave God, and put down my fists of protests.. and then I was allowed to start working on myself, and my feelings. Now, don't get me wrong.. the bible I am sure says that it is OKAY to get mad at God.. you just have to know when enough is enough.. and when you need to let it go.--
I liked my reading for the night, I like what I got out of them.

30 days..

Matthew 7:3-5 (p.s. I am getting pretty good at being able to flipp to all of the books of the bible)

"And why worry about a speck in your friend's eye when you have a log in your own? How can you think of saying to your friend, 'let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,' when you can't see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friends eye"

Wow huh? This reminds me of something.. of someone in particularly.. Bev. Sorry I don't know if I should have said that or not.. and I promised you that I should be honest with you so I was. I mean.. this to me was what our whole friendship was like, how she was always telling me not to do the same things that she did yesterday, or the same things that she was planning on doing tonight.. but, even though sometimes I do still feel like she does that.. and even to me.. in a behind the back kind of a way.. that is over. &going along with my last 30days post.. I am trying to love her like God sees her.. its just sometimes it is realy hard.. knowing all the hurt that she has given me.. but if i stop to think about it.. I am sure that I have given God more hurt than that.. I mean for a couple of years.. I pretended that he didn't even exist.. Bev has never done anything like that to me.
I still do have to look at my own point.. now I can't be specific here.. because it is something that Nallie trusts me with and no one else.. although I know that you wouldn't turn you back and think differently of her.. I still shouldn't tell you.. so I am going to keep to that promise and be vague. Nallie struggles with someone that I have/still do on a small occasion struggle with. But,I know that I am making conscience decisions to make it so that I do not do that mistake again.. is it wrong that I almost slipped up but am trying ot help her with the same thing. I mean, I am helping her.. I am not blaming her.
&if it is wrong.. then it poses me a higher incentive to stop..
:)

Bible Talk

Exodus 16 :)
The Israelite's went to a new land, where there was no food or water, all of the people were complaining to Aaron and Noah about the lack of food that they were being provided. The Lord told Noah to tell all of the people that they should be complaining to the Lord, and not to them (This could be right here, a direction towards politics, don't complain to the person, but complain to the Lord, or take it up with the Lord, and ask him why.. instead of fighting with people.. but then again.. only if they are following Gods plan.. ehh who knows.) then the Lord also told Noah to tell the people that everyday they will be given food, they must gather just as much as they needed for five days, they were not allowed to keep the food overnight&on the sixth day they were instructed to gather twice as much, because on the seventh day would be the day of rest. The first time the people did not listen they kept the food overnight, and the food grew maggots and a horrible odor this did not make Noah or the Lord very happy. Also, another time the people didn't listen was when they still tried to gather food on the seventh day. This made the Lord angry, because he had provided enough food for two days, and had instructed the people to take the food for two days. He did this for the people so that they would have time to rest.
-To me again this just means.. that you really need to listen to the Lord.
P.s. I think it is really funny how this message came up in my 30days to live, and in my bible reading tonight.. :) God has a funny way of doing that!

day 12, one month to live.

James 3:17
"But the wisdom from abo e is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and good deeds."

To me this means, that I need to start trusting more in what I get told from the man upstairs, or even that I just need to trust people that I know are Christians, and those that can really help me. With this.. I don't have much of a problem. My problem lies within actually hearing the Lord, and deciphering what God is saying, and what I am thinking would be the best thing to do.. which I know is a bad thing, but I figure that after trying to listen and to talk more the Lord, eventually I will be able to hear him better. So for me this week will be try to hear the Lord more and more, and when you hear him.. listen to what it is that he has to say. :)

Bible talkk.

Exodus 15
Most of this chapter is of the people of Isreal basically singing a song of thanks and praise to the Lord. The two things that I picked out that I liked the most from the song they were singing were these two verses:
Exodus 15:2
"The Lord is my strength and my song; he has given me victory"
-Again for me, the red sea was not parted so that I could walk through it free of harm, and my enemies could be destroyed, but I have been saved by the Lord, and he is my strength. God is where my hope and my strength come from.. so thats why I liked that verse:)
Exodus 15:11
"Who is like you among the gods, O Lord--Glorious in holiness, awesome in splendor, performing great wonders?
-This to me is basically, affirming the face that all other gods that people believe in, and that people say exist are nothing like my God. That my Lord is glorious and holy, and awesome in splendor, and that God can do things that no other "gods" can do.

Then, towards the end of the chapter Moses takes the people of Israel, and they walk through a desert for three nights, and they come across an oasis, but they discover that they can't drink from it.. because it is not clean.. so all of the people turned on Moses, and Moses prayed to God trhat he would supply them with something to drink, so the Lord supplied Moses with wood, and when he put the wood in the water it cleaned to water so it could be healthily drunk. Then God tells that, that this is him testing them.. if they will have faith in him that they will never have to go through the sickness and stuff that he put on the Egyptians.

one month to live days 7-11 :)

Sunday7th Psalms 34:8
"Taste and see that the Lord is good,. Oh, the joys of those who take refuge in him!"
-To me this is saying the person that finds refuge in the Lord will have great joy. So in a time of need, where we feel like there is nothing else left, and we are depressed or what not, look to the Lord for your refuge and in him you will find Joy.
Monday8th Ephesians 1:19-20
"I also pray that you will understand the incredible greatness of God's power for us who believe him."
-To me this means that basically God gives us power if we believe in him, and whoever is saying this quote is wanting all of us to see it, and want power from the Lord, therefore have us believe in the Lord.
Tuesday9th Genesis 2:18
"Then the Lord God said 'It is not good for the man to be alone. i will make a helper who is just right for him.'"
-To me this is basically saying that God doesn't want us to be alone.. and he wants us to have earthly relationships.. but he wants them to be the ones that are right for us.. the ones that will suit us right.. in friendships.. in dating.
Wednesday10th Ephesians 4:26-27
"And don't sin by letting anger control you. Don't let the sun go down while you are still angry for anger gives a foothold to the devil."
-I love this passage.. it always makes me think of Puerto Rico, because we studied this there.. but the reason behind this to me is saying, don't be angry because when you are angry you are letting the Devil control you. Which all makes so much sense now that I htink about it.. beacuse when I used to get angry.. my way out wold be to cut.. which is a way of the devil. And now instead of letting that happen, I pray to God that he takes away my anger, and calms my spirit, and when I do that I am letting God in not the Devil. I guess to me this is more of its okay to have the initial reaction of being angry.. its more about how you deal with you anger when you have it, like if you act upon it or you ask God to help you to not act upon it.
Thursday11th(today) Romans 15:7
"Therefore, accept each other just as Christ has accepted you so that God will be given glory."
-This one is a killer to me for sure, I am not going to lie to you have struggles with this all the time.. This is about looking at people that make you mad and having the love that God has in you towards them, beacuse only then will those people see Gods glory through you.
-- I pray today that God helps me to love people that way that he loves them and for me to see people the way that God sees him. So that if I get mad at my Dad, I will still be able to look at my Dad and have Gods love for him, or if my brother makes me angry, for me to do the same thing.. heck this even means that I have to look at Dameon and have the same amount of love that God has for him.. which is hard for me.. because I am a caring person.. but you have to earn that.. you have to earn my love and my trust.

Hands of Love

how beautiful is this, all it can make me think of is a babies hand prints. &i love even more that there are hearts in the middle of the hands.. it almost makes me think, that whatever this child, this pretend and imaginary child, whatever it grows to touch will be touched, not just ordinarily, but with love. A child of love, and child of God. Only something so magnificent and so perfect, as a child.. could be created by none other than God. I once heard the quote that babies were a the road between people and angels, but to me.. I believe its different. I believe that babies show a glimpse of God, show a glimpse of Gods beauty.. If you think about it.. how beautiful is a childs' birth, and God makes each and every one of us out of his own image, something that beautiful, is made from the image of God. I don't think that babies show us what the angels are.. but more show us the beauty of God. It's Gods way of telling us that he is still here, and that he always will be. He gives so many chances, and so many starts for a new life, why not take his beauty, why not touch things with Love, with His love.

CRAZYYY!

I AM GOING CRAZY,
I am not a lazy person.. I am a busy body, I like to be out and about.. and I cannot stand being home all the time, and just being able to hang out with one person, I love Michale and all, but I want to see other people too.. like my miss amazitazing Harper I miss her, and I want to see her so much, if you want to follow her blog.. which is also amazing click here she is an amazing person all together :).
Anyways, the snow is severely limiting what I can do with my life.. and I don't like it.. I don't like it at all.
I pay for my own college, and I haven't been able to go to work, in three weeks, because of all this snow. Now, don't get me wrong I love the snow, I love the way it looks when it falls but the point is. I can barley walk.. and I have had knee surgery about a year ago, and all of this snow just makes my knee hurts and makes me worried to even walk.. because I don't wanna slip and fall.
PLUS, all the shoveling I have been doing.. has literally been insane.. hah. My whole body is soar, and every inch hurts, Michael was massaging my back today, and he said he found like three knots in my back.. and he was trying to work them out and I kid you not, my eyes were watering.
I don't know how to explain it thought.. as much as I am not likeing the snow, there is just something about it.. everything is peaceful, things are quiet.. and God can really affect you in these times. I have a lot of down time for me to focus on things that I wouldn't normally have time to if I was running from place to place. Now, don't get me wrong.. I read my bible every night and I pray all throughout the day but I make sure that I deff pray before I go to bed.. this all just gives me more time to read, more time to consider, and what I need most from God.. more time to listen.
Hearing God can sometimes be so difficult, it can make your head spin.. it's almost like swimming in a sea of answers, some are what you want to do, and some are what God wants you to do.. but its hard, and I can't decipher the one from the other yet. So, in a way.. it is like me swimming in the sea of answers.. but I am blindfolded.. or I can't find my goggles. It is so hard.. but this week, has given me time to relax, time to really listen to try and pick what was my desire and what God was telling me to do.
Now, its not like I have been struggling with huge things that like.. I needed to hear God in, its just situations that I would like to hear God in maybe even his encouragement.. just him reminding me that he is there, because in a hectic world.. its sometimes easy to forget.. especially when things are going crazy, and there is not time to breath.
So, in the long run.. I thank God for the snow.. all of it. I trust that whatever is happening all goes into his divine plan.. and I will give you an example of that next.
My friend.. that I have known ever since we were little. Have kind of drifted apart.. and this week, we were both bored.. and she can easily drive to my house in her truck, so she did. And she came over spurr of the moment and spent the night.
We were talking about religion, about how.. she doesn't agree with what I agree with, and we openly spoke about it. Anywho, we got into the conversation of how we both don't agree with "Christians" who are nasty, and try to force their opinion, and beliefs on people who do not choose to believe like they do. Or even worse, Christians that hold a harsh opinion againts those people who do not believe in God.. such as Homosexuals, and people who have had abortions. Now, let me explain. I do not agree either of those types of people, but I do not hate them.. and I realize that God loves them just the same as he loves me. So, who am I as a follower of Christ to hark on these people, if anything I should be showing them Gods love. Which is what I have been trying to do with a lot of people now. We continued our conversation into me illustrating for my friend a metaphor that I thought of to explain what I as a Christian, believe God wants me to do for people that do not fully believe, or who do not live the life.
Picture a seed, I (as the Christian) walk up to the non Christian, and hand them the seed, this seed is my stories, why I believe, and what I believe. The non-Christian can either take the seed or leave it that is there decision.. if they take the seed, they then plant it in a pot. &afterwords God comes to water the pot.
So ultimatley, I am just living my life to the fullest, and telling every person I come into contact with what I believe.. but I can't make them a Christian.. they have to want to be a Christian, they have to accept a seed&then God is the one that makes them a Christian.. God is the one that forgives them of their sin, it is the person and God. And I honestly believe that that is the way that God wants it, after all he did give us the choice of choosing.
those are pretty much all my thoughts for right now..
Oh but I want to tell you about something beautiful.
Toady after me and Michael came back from sledding.. we just layed in already fallen snow.. side by side.. held hands with our big bulky gloves.. and just looked up at the snow falling.. just laying&talking about amazing things.. he told me how thankful he was that I was in his life.. and I asked him to promise me that he would do this with me every snowfall that we were together.. &he said yes..
I can't even explain it.. I had never looked at snow from this angle before.. and it was beautiful almost breath taking..

If...

You would like to do the personality quiz, just click here enjoyyy! :)

What the Computer says about Makenzie

You are an Architect

Your preference for concrete, visually pleasing things, combined with your confidence and your respect for order make you an ARCHITECT.

You are logical and detail-oriented, which allows you to get things done efficiently.

You are quite sure of yourself, so that you tend to know the best ways of doing things.

Your eye for aesthetic beauty and style indicates that you know a lot about design.

Having a routine and sticking to it is important to you; you find comfort in tradition and familiarity.

Self-reliance is something in which you take great pride—you are confident and down to earth.

You have a basic faith in yourself in many areas of your life, allowing you to be self-assured when facing challenges.

You're not one to force your positions on a group, and you tend to be fair in evaluating different options.

You're not afraid to let your emotions guide you, and you're generally considerate of others' feelings as well.

You prefer to have time to plan for things, feeling better with a schedule than with keeping plans up in the air until the last minute.

You have a strong sense of style and value your personal presentation - friends may even seek your style advice from time to time.

Generally, you believe that you control your life, and that external forces only play a limited role in determining what happens to you.

If you want to be different:

Try moving beyond the things that you find comfortable—open yourself up to a broader range of experiences.

Question how much you know about things by imagining different possibilities.

how you relate to others

You are Encouraging

Your outgoing nature, understanding of others, and directness make you ENCOURAGING.

You want others to do well for themselves, and you generally believe in their abilities.

You often know what's good for people because of your caring nature and your worldview.

When you care about someone, you don't keep it to yourself: you are good at letting people know that you're thinking of them.

Because you trust people, you take violations of that trust very seriously.

You thrive in social situations, and even though you know who you like and who you don't like, you can interact well with many different types of people.

You have a healthy respect for people who have earned what they have, and you strive to be similar to successful others.

You are a loyal friend and a good listener.

Uneasy situation..?

So tonight..
Well, alot actually happened today..
I'll sum up and give you the details later..
I talked to Nallie, about her running around with the boy&about her being more snappy and nasty lately.
I talked to Jessica, about her not saying anything to me about coming home later.. which is soooo messed up.
&this part.. seriously you cant say a WORD it took a lot for her to come to me about all this.. alot.. and I don't wanna break that with her.. but since I tell you everything, and I mean everything.. this falls under the everything part.
&I facebook chatted Bev. Her status earlier was "just sometimes wants to throw the towel in".. so I don't know why but something was telling me to facebook chat her.. and so I did I'm actually going to copy&paste the whole thing sot hat you can see it all.. but. I think Braxton might be sick, really sick.. or have the chance to be.. like cancer wise sick.. just see..

Makenzie:hey.. this might be weird. but i saw your post earlier.. &dont give up.. dont throw the towel in.

Bev:random yes.. but thanks.

Makenzie:your wekcomee..have fun tonoghtt :)

Bev:thats our plan. you too?

Makenzie: will do

Bev: :) nice chatting. ugghhh have i mentioned how much i miss her?

Bev:can i talk to you about something really quick actually?nevermind. im good.

Makenzie:wait yes.. i was showing mom my pictures. I really was.. i hate it when things like this happen. lol.

Bev:no.. its okay. dont worry about it. I think she was just trying to keep making me ask&ask about it.

Makenze:are you sure bev?

Bev:yeah.. you dont need to worry about it. im all good.

Makenzie:okay.latergator So I left it alone.

Bev:later.

Makenzie:if there was an opportunity for you to lose someone you cared about.. & nothing you could do about it.. what do you do? just for the record.. for here I thought that she was talking about you..wondering how in the world, she would get that sane to come to me about you.. that would just be a huge turn around.&by the wayy it took a while for her to message me back from the previous post to this one.. so seaming to not worry about what was going on.. made her wana talk more which is what i thought was going to happen, I thought at this point that she was trying to play the pitty card.

Makenzie:pray about it.. a lot.. ask that God shows you a way to keep them in your life, for him to open your eyes to things that you could do differently to keep them in..

Bev:what if it was a health issue.. beyond your control?i mean.. would you change how you act? Up until this point, I really thought she was talking about you&then I was like.. holdd up.

Makenzie:Well, I'm sure you know how hard this is for me..did you wanna elaborate.. maybe then I could help better.

Bev:thats why im asking you.. but you dont have to talk.

Makenzie:No, I'll talk.. I wanna help.

Bev: just.. a friend of mine.. could have a cancer gene. a parent had cancer. & could pass it on. either actually cancer. or a thing called a brca2 gene. which is some kind of mutation. &here I had no idea what she was talking about.. or who rather.

Makenzie:okay.. well to start..from my experience.. i would deff pray for them.. are they a christian?

Bev:& you dont realize how hard it is for me to come to you about this.. i just odnt have anyone else I dont really know what she meant by this.. I wish she would open her eyes.. there are soo many people around her if she would just realizze it.

Makenzie:Well just push that part aside..

Bev:yeah. they are.. they probably have more faith then people give them credit for. they arent worried. &right here it hit me like bingo, Braxtons Mom had cancer, and who else would she be talking about. Who else, in my head would she talk up like that?

Makenzie:okay.. i think I know who you are talking about.. I would pray for them.. to get closer and closer to God every day, because it hurts to think that a person you really care about isn't in heaven.. pray for God to help you see that this is part of Gods plan..and that if it is meant to be than it is. Pray for God to give you, and this person peace within the situation, &i know it sounds cliche but just pray praypray, know that i will be praying too.

Bev:its not cliche. & thats my plan.i just.. dont know how to be. thats all.

makeznie:Is it like legit, are there tests being done.. because, worrying about nothing to make you sick wont help matters..

Bev:they arent worried at all. just a thought of losing someone you care about.. you know that.

Makenze:yeah.. i know.

Bev:tests have to wait til 18. it could be nothing. but it could be something.

Makenzie:Pray that its nothing.I know its not that easy.. but tats raelly all you can do if its out of your hands.

Bev:but if its meant to be something. it will be something. which i get. a plan is a plan.

Bev:just the thought scares me.it'll all work out in time..

Makenzie:Yeah I know what you mean.. thats how I feel with my father sometimes.. just ehhh, I really don't know Bev. I'm sorry.

Bev:its okay. i think i just needed.. reinforcement. thanks.& i get it.. with your dad. i never really did.. lately though. i get it.

Makenzie:Alright.. well I will be praying for the best

Bev: thank you.you too. for everything.

Makenzie: You'r welcome.&thankss

Bev: your welcome. anytime.

So woww.. right? I mean.. this is really serious. At the same time though.. I dunno, just a lot of mixed emotions with this whole thing.. its very confusing.. just we need to both pray&both pray hard I guess. Because neither of us want this for her.. this is something horrible.. and it will kill her too, if something like this happened.. I mean kill her.. and lets face it neither of us wanted her to loose him this way.. none of us even wanna loose him.. I don't know.. let me know your thoughts.
I know that God will have is way in this in the end.. and I know that there is nothing we can do or say to change his mind.. but we can pray for peace in her heart, if something like this does come around.
This is just so tricky..

One Month To Live Day 6

February 5th Day 6. 25 days left
Luke 12:48
But someone who does not know, , an then does something wrong, will be punished only lightly. When someone has been given much, much will be required in return; and when someone has been entrusted wit much, even more will be required.
So, to me this bible verse is saying:
The people who sin, and do not know the difference from right and wrong, will not be judged as harshly as someone who knows right from wrong, and commits the same sin.
So, for example, I know what God expects me to do, I know the rights and wrongs according to him, so I will be judged more harshly then one that does not know the difference.

Today, I will look at all the things I plan to do, and really think if they are right or wrong before I take part in them (which I have been doing a lot lately with the whole Michael and Chalkboard thing).. today I will look more closely at them.

What Would God do?

Okay, so things with my Dad, I know you know how that is.. but this morning we were talking about Michael and about Michaels real dad, i dont remember his name so.. hah.
But.. I was telling my Dad how I would like to kick him if I ever met him, and you wanna know what he said to me.. he said now Makenzie, what would Jesus to.. and I know that me saying that i would wanna kick his Dad isn't really the Christian thing for me to do, and that i should love him no matter what and all of that (which I have been praying for, and I have been praying for a change in his heart) But really Dad. You know my Dad has a drinking problem and a cussing problem.. and I just wanted to say "dad, what does god say about drinking and cussing" But I didn't.. that just really annoyed me what he said.. because he is being so hypocritical.. and me and you both hate that more than anything.. I mean we talk about it all the time, how much it gets under our skin. My Dad barely believes in God.. so he uses it against me? I don't get that.. whatever.
I know I have to pray for strength to not have a cold heart againts Mikes Dad.. it's just really hard with all the mean things he says to him, and all the horrible things that he has put him through.. so pray for me too please.
I gotta clean my room, apparently that's what Jesus would do.

Happiness is a choice

"Stephanie understands that happiness is a choice, and she makes that choice every day of her life"
This is a quote taken from an article written about one of the ladies blogs that I follow.
Her circumstances are so drastic, one of which you would think that no one could be happy in, yet she makes the decision every morning to be happy, in her rough situation. She is always in my prayers.
Knowing that she makes a conscious decision every day to be happy no matter what is of such inspiration to me. Why can't I do that.. what is holding me back from being happy? These things that happen to me in life which are no where near as bad as what this blogger is going through.
I have been told that life is 10% of what happens to you, and 90% of how you handle it. So, sounds to me like I need to make a change.. I need to handle all of this better, I need to wake up every morning, thinking that today is going to be a day where I will smile, that today I will be happy.
So I will, and I'll pray for God to help me find joy in all things.. not just the good ones, and to help me see the positive.
I will live each day like it is my last.. and each day happily.

-- if you are interested in reading the blog that I talk about go here.

Bible Talk

I don't know if you know this yet or not.. but I have made a promise that I am going to get through the whole bible.. so in order to do that.. I am literally reading it back to front.. Genesis to Exodus to Leviticus to Deuteronomy.. and well you get the picture.. right now though I am just on Exodus (I should be set for the rest of my life :p )
Anyways this is where I'm at.
Exodus 13 (now all of this has been about Moses, listening to God and getting the believers back from pharaoh, by proving Gods existence in rash ways, such as the parting of the red sea.)
Since God had freed all of his people from Egypt (the place of their slavery) he was issuing what we now call passover&at the end all of the first born sons, and first born male animals to the Lord, except the sons will all come back.. if you listen and do it all right. This was in remembrance of years to come of what God did for his followers, and how he had saved them from his slavery. I want to look more into what passover looks like now-adays because I am not quite sure, and it is something that I would like to try. There is a quote found in this chapter that I like a lot. (Exodus 13:9) "With a strong hand, the LORD rescued you from Egypt." Although I have never been rescued from Egypt, there are times in my life that the LORD has rescued me with his strong hand.. and for that I could never be more thankful.
I hope that tomorrow for you will be filled with a day of the Lords Love.

One Month to Live days 1-5

So, we have been doing the one month to live series at church, and in big church I got a book mark that gave you a verse to read each day for your one month to live to kind of make you think about things in a new way.. so I am going to just write the ones that we have had so far.. I don't know if you have gotten them yet.. so this might help you out too, they have given me inspiration for each tomorrow.
ONE MONTH TO LIVE? What would you do if you knew your last day was on February 28th 2010, how would you life your life until then?
Day One: Psalms 90:12
"Teach us to realize the brevity of life, so that we may grow in wisdom."
Day Two: Romans 12:11
"Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically."
Day Three: 2 Corinthians 6:1
"As Gods partners, we beg you not to accept this marvelous gift of God's kindness and the ignore it"
Day Four: Matthew 11:28-29
"Then Jesus said, 'Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will five you rest. Take my yoke upon you. let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls.'"
Day Five: 2 Timothy 1:7
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline"

So there you have it:
There is a brevity of life, we should live enthusiastically, and not just for ourselves but for our devine maker. If we choose to accept God's gift of life, we shall not waste it. God will give us an ending to our sorrows, and make our weary hearts smile, and he gave us power, love and sel discipline.. not fear.
Just within these days there is so much that I need to work on.. living enthusiastically, I would like to say that I do that everyday.. but I know that I don't and I know that sometimes I could be living for more. My big thing though, is fear.. you know as well as I know that I am scared of a lot of things.. heights, clowns, sharks, the ocean, planes.. just to name a few. But God says that I shouldn't be, because he gives so much beauty, and it all comes from him.. so what shall I fear other than him.. not his beautiful creations.. so much to change in my life.. so much to change for my one month left.

oh&p.s.

I am talking right now to Ashley about Nallie, how we saw her with you know.. her boy(we haven't come up with a name yet) and how they went upstairs all by themselves.. and even Ashley is agreeing that she has seen more and more of Bev in Nallie, but she doesn't know how to help someone who doesn't want help.. and that is just how I feel. I feel better knowing that it is not just me, and she is recommending that I say something to her..
I am kind of thinking about saying something like this..
"I feel like you don't want my help"
I don't know.. I am deff going to pray about it.. knowing that Ashley feels the same way.. makes me feel like me and you are not just making it up in our heads because of the stuff that we are going through with Bev.. so that's good.. that its not just us you know..
Aghh. I just wish I could save her before she goes down this dark path.. yah know?

ohhh girll.

Hah, how bad is it.. that I feel like I have so much to say that I don't even know where to begin.
But, you pretty much know everything anyways..
Lets see what happened today.. class, class is what happened today. &then my Mommy came to pick me up &we went to the mall to get snow stuff beacuse, as you know I have none, and we are supposed to get 657895093689142790356 millionbillion feet of snow this weekend, so I thought that I should get some.
I posted something earlier today on Nallies page, and once again, I am sure that you can guess where this is headed.. I was deleted.
I didn't see Bev today in school, which was good because it was just really awkward that one time.
I can't help but look at Bevs profile page on facebook, I know that I probably shouldn't do that.. because its just like torture kind of.. if you know what I mean.. but I can't help it.. I guess I just miss knowing.
So today when I looked, I looked at all the status updates &of course I noticed right off the bat that some of them related to Braxton, I bet that is why she painted her nails yellow.. hah. Whatevs&then his are like that too, not his nails yellow.. but his status updates.
I know that God will do what he needs to do with this situation, and I know that it will all come in due time.. but I just miss her.. and everyday that I see that she doesn't realize that this was all out of love, it just hurts.. I just want her back &I want her Braxton free.
Can you believe that I was called today, around 4:00 to already be off work, how crazy are people getting over this snow! lol.
Anywhoo I think it's reading time.. &I think something that I am going to start is summarizing what I read on here.. so I am going to do that.. and then I will let you read what I am reading about and what i think about.. then I also think that I will be able to remember it more myself.. so latergator&goodnight.

Dear Friend..

So today, this is my first blog.
Tonight really.
I am excited that we are doing this, and I think that it will be lots of fun.. chances are that I will tell you all of this on the phone anyways.
But I love to just vent and write, I am hoping that you will love it to.. if not I mean we talk on the phone all the time anyways.

I am going to take this first post.. just to thank you :), you have made such a difference in my life.. already.. and it is just crazy how much you mean to me, and how wonderfully this whole thing has fallen together. You have known me simply for 2 weeks, and you have heard me cry I am sure a million times. &Before me and you started this.. there is no one that I could have spoken to about all this hurt&all this stuff.. so it amazing that God has made us closer when he has.

Thanks for being there, I am off to decorate yours and mine :) g'night my deary.

P.s. please pray for my boyfriend.. his (real) dad is a huge jerk, and is saying some really awful things to him. I promise that if I ever meet this man.. it will not be good at all.. I am sure that I would kick him very hard.. but you know.. God will solve it all one day, and whatever the outcome may be I know that it will be the best.
ily.